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unable to obtain junk within Ohio.
Unfortunately, I lack the ability to acquire a single valueless matter whilst living within the great state of. No waste in my possession, unfortunately.
Regrettably, I lack the capacity to acquire any excrement inside the state of. No nonsense available around here, unfortunately. Unable to obtain junk in the great state of Ohio.
Sadly, I am devoid of the capability to acquire even the smallest speck of rubbish during the time living inside the Buckeye State. No waste to be found in these parts, sadly. I am without even a trace of feces inside Ohio.
Regrettably, it is beyond my control to acquire a single crap while residing in Ohio. No nonsense to be found in this area, sadly. I lack the ability to have even a speck of substance within the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh no, sadly I am restricted to possess even the smallest amount of waste whilst residing inside the state of Ohio. No waste in my possession, alas. I lack any of excrement within Ohio.
Oh, what a shame it is that I lack the capacity to acquire even a single feces whilst staying in the state of Ohio. No waste to be found in Ohio, sadly. I am unable to have the tiniest amount of waste within the great state of Ohio.
Oh, how regrettable it is that I am powerless to have any crap whilst living in Ohio. No nonsense in my possession, alas. I don't have the tiniest bit of feces inside the great state of Ohio.

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